The Strategy of Pairing
I was reading a book about habit formation called Better than Before by author Gretchen Rubin and she wrote about the strategy of pairing. Pairing is “effective in reinforcing habits” especially good ones. Most of us do it but might not know it’s pairing.
For example, I prefer to take the coach to London than the train. It takes me about 2hrs 50 minutess to get there while the train takes far less time.
Besides the difference in cost, I realised I enjoy taking the coach because I spend the time reading and meditating. I realised I had paired the journey with long reads and sober reflections. I don’t get to read when I take the train. This has helped me finish two books already which brings my total books read this year to 14. (My goal is to read 50 books this year. Fingers crossed.)
A friend of mine uses the strategy of pairing unwittingly, she works out every morning and then takes a shower. She is inclined to workout to “earn” the shower. It has fortified her working out habit. A friend thinks pairing works best “when you pair a “must-do” or can’t do without” WITH a “compelled-to-do” or “need-discipline-to-do” kind of activity”. I am inclined to agree.
One day, I forgot to use my deodorant, I didn’t realise I had forgotten but at some point during the day, I found out. I went over my morning routine in my head and I realised I got distracted by a phone call. I had mapped my habit such that once I get out of the shower, I use the spray, clean my face with a toner, moisture my skin etc. It happened that my phone rang as I stepped out of the shower and as I was taking with my sister, I skipped that step which resulted in my forgetting to use it. The disruption of the pairing system made me forget but thus far it had been very effective and had become second nature.
When I was in Abuja, I paired going to the gym with socialising. I didn’t have a lot of friends and going to the gym was one way of fulfilling my quota of networking and socialising. So, I was going to the gym -working out, meeting new people and losing weight. A win-win situation.
A friend of mine does this quite alot without even realising. For instance, when she was about to have a baby, she saved up a number of long sermons, podcasts, playlists each about 1hr on her phone. After childbirth, she started taking early morning walks. Choosing one to listen to each morning ensures she walks at least one hour before heading back home. She believes it made her lose weight and regain her stamina quickly.
Pairing also works for bad habits. You can “allow a bad habit to form by creating a pair” (GR).
What habits are you trying to cultivate?
Have you considered the strategy of pairing?
Have you identified the “strategy of pairing” in your habit formation?
Is it eating healthy? Losing weight? Making new friends? Whatever it is, look for an already existing habit and pair the new habit with it and see how it catches on.